The test: We flew to Utah to spend Thanksgiving with our families. It was the best 2 weeks ever. We also were taking some of our salesman on a cruise to Mexico on the 29th. We were in California staying with my sister, Courtney. Remember, I said I was obsessed with taking pregnancy tests. I took one, a week prior at my parent's house, not pregnant. I hate those 2 words. I still had packed one more pregnancy test, my last one. After buying the really expensive kind for months and months I decided to change it up and purchase 7 or so at a time from the dollar store. This would cure my obsession and be less expensive right? Well, I went into Courtney's bathroom and like every other test I prayed. We were leaving for the cruise that afternoon so I thought this was it. Well, the stupid dollar test gave me a faint line, a really faint line! It was so faint I thought I was imagining it just like I had done with so many others. So at 7am I jumped in our rental car to go get another test. My little brother, Colton, ran out and asked if he could go with me. Meanwhile, I have not said anything to anyone about why I was going to the store. Could I really buy a pregnancy test without Colton knowing? Well, when we got to the drug store the pregnancy tests were behind locked glass doors. Are you serious? They had to go get a manager to open it and get an employee to escort me to the check out. Why on earth do they do that? Well, Colton got up to the check out and quickly noticed what I was buying. He let out a few laughs and said, "Are you seriously buying those?" He made me promise that if I was pregnant that I would tell him. After a 20 minute drive home I ran into the bathroom. Waited, waited, waited...then I saw 2 lines! Success!!! I was thrilled and I had my own little party in the bathroom. I jumped up and down and told Heavenly Father thank you. I am such a geek.
November 29, 2010: Well, we headed to the cruise port and we got all settled into our cabin. I love surprising Seth and my mind was racing with thoughts. When I was pregnant with Tylee I waited almost 2 days to tell him. I couldn't do that this time. I waited until the ship sailed and took Seth outside to the back of the boat. My brother took a picture of us and I looked at Seth and said, "Guess what?" He smirked and I said, "I'm pregnant!" His eyes immediately filled with tears and he gave me a big hug and held onto me for what seemed like forever. Colton was so happy but we swore him to secrecy.
Sickness: The holidays came and went so fast this year. We were struck with two different sicknesses and they wiped us out. I laid on the couch for weeks. Tylee was sick also so she laid with me. It was a little rough because I was really nauseous and tired all the time. This lasted until I was about 8 weeks. During this same time I thought it would be a good idea to potty train Tylee. Ugh! She did great but I really exhausted myself. I slept from 10pm to 7:30am, then took a 2 hour nap at 3pm.
This pregnancy: This has been a lot like Tylee's pregnancy. I am really tired and nauseous but not sick enough to throw up. I was finishing up a semester when I was pregnant with Tylee so I was really busy. I feel just as tired but more nauseous with this one. I had acne with Tylee but not with this one. It could be due to Texas weather. Even into my second trimester I have to eat every few hours.
Insurance: God really does work in mysterious ways. As of January 1, 2011 we officially have health insurance. Blue Cross Blue Shield only allows new enrollment for our business once a year so we jumped on it. It costs $1000 a month! Yes, that is three zeroes. Plus, we have a $3,000 deductible. Talk about crazy. By the end of the year we will have paid $15,000 in health insurance. Don't even get me started. I guess this is the downside of owning your own company, insurance sucks!
January 12, 2011: I had my first doctor's appointment and we had insurance starting 12 days before. Talk about a miracle. I quietly asked around church what OB/GYN was good in the area. Everyone recommended Dr. Castillo. (Oh, how I miss Dr. Doyle though.) I met with him and he delivers at a hospital within 5 minutes of us. I love that. We heard the babies heartbeat, 172. It was so nice to hear it. Seth was right by my side the entire time. Dr. Castillo is amazing. He has nice short visits and gives you a hug as you leave. Due date was set at: August 7, 2011! However, he did tell us that he would be gone August 1-10. Ugh! By the way I am totally thinking GIRL!
Our Secret: We decided from the very beginning that we were not going to tell people we were pregnant until we knew the sex of the baby. I know it's a girl but we decided to wait. Seth's family has so many grand children that we thought this would be a bigger surprise. My family wants another baby so bad that we decided it was better to tell them in person. My Dad booked us a flight to Utah during my 20th week of pregnancy and we will reveal all of it then. (Yes, my Dad does knows. There were some things that happened around Christmas time when it became a need to know. My mom is going to kill me.) Plus, this pregnancy has gone by so fast because no one is asking how far along I am.
February 9, 2011: My 2nd doctor's visit I was really excited about. We were having an ultrasound! It was so great to see our little active baby moving around. Dr. Castillo talked to us about inducing at the end of July. We aren't against inducing at all but I don't think it is for me. If I were to reach 41 weeks then that would be a different story. This got under my skin a little bit. I talked to Seth and we decided to switch doctors. Heartbeat: 168, Weight gain 2 lbs.
There is a sweet lady in our ward named, Melissa Stone. She has had 4 pregnancies and 2 sets of twins. I know, right? She recommended Dr. Hulme. She said he is fantastic so I made my appointment. He is also LDS, score!
February 23, 2011: My first appointment with Dr. Hulme had me on edge. I was a little nervous because Seth was in Utah and I was all alone. I met with him and I got another ultrasound, yes! I was very excited to be looking at our baby until Dr. Hulme got a face of concern. He kept focusing on our babies heart. He told me that one chamber of the heart was oddly shaped. He then proceeded to tell me that he was by no means a cardiologist but that I should have it looked at. He then proceeded to tell me that under the circumstances he would recommend that I had the full panel of blood work done including the triple screen which detects Down Syndrome and other neural tube defects. As I walked out of the room I could have broken down into tears but I didn't. I wanted my husband, I wanted my parents and I wanted to pray. The nurse gave me a card for the cardiologist that would be doing the test. I quickly made my next appointment and walked to my car. I got into my car and started crying. I wasn't sure if I would make it home. I had so many emotions running through me that I was shaking. I was truly scared to death. Heartbeat: 162, Weight gain: loss of 2 lbs. Total: 0
Telling Seth: This was the hardest thing I had to do. He got home from Utah that night and he knew something was wrong. We were outside watching Tylee play and I just told him. I told him something could be wrong with out baby's heart and could possibly have Down Syndrome. He comforted me like he always does and he was really strong. He really is such a great person to lean on. I love him. He told me everything would be okay and that we would pray about it.
Hospital Visit: The night of my appointment I scheduled a hospital tour. Again, I was by myself because we couldn't find a babysitter for Tylee. Instead of the hospital being 5 minutes away it is now 35 minutes. Ugh, but I love Dr. Hulme. So I drove down to what I would call the ghetto and I parked my car in a security guarded parking lot. It has "Welcome to Houston" written all over it. The facility is great, I was really worried before. I stood in the hospital with our tour guide and she kept talking and talking about labor. I don't know if it was hot or I really just got sick but I totally was about to faint. I have never in my life felt that feeling. I think it was just too many emotions in one day. I started to sweat profusely and feel weak. I was getting really dizzy and I asked for a chair. She told me I didn't look good. I sat down and began to wipe off drips of sweat. I started to feel better when I felt the air conditioning kick on. Phew. We were finally done with the tour. The one down side of the hospital is this; you have to have blood work done before you have an epidural. This could take up to an hour. Are you kidding me? I am so scared of that now. I am sure there will be a few false alarms by the time this baby comes. I will have an epidural!
March 9, 2011: I had all my blood work done. After 9 tubes and a cup of pee later I was out of the office. Now the waiting begins.
March 5, 2011: Can you guess what I wished for on my birthday? If it involves a healthy baby I am sure you are right. Plus, I finally felt the baby move tonight! What a great gift. 17 weeks 6 days.
March 7, 2011: A Texas phone number was coming through on my phone that I didn't recognize. I never answer random numbers. Well, I answered it. "Hi, this is Nurse (blank, can't remember) from Dr. Hulme's office and we received your blood work today." Meanwhile, in the back of my mind my thoughts are racing. I am not suppose to find out my results until the 16th. "It looks like you had a triple screen done and that tests for neural tube defects and Down Syndrome and they came back NEGATIVE. We also checked all your other tests and they all came back NEGATIVE. We do have one concern about Vitamin D. Your levels are too low and we need you to take a supplement." At this time I am completely in tears and then I hear a knock on my door. It is Seth! Why is he home? I answer the door with tears streaming down my face as I continue to talk with the nurse. I tell her how thankful I am that she called and did not make me wait. Have I told you how much I love Dr. Hulme's office? I hang up the phone and run to Seth and just cry and say, "All my tests are negative!" We both cried and Tylee asked us why were were crying. Seth picked her up and we had a family hug. I cannot express to you the feeling that came over me. I have lost endless amounts of sleep and I have prayed harder than ever. I just wanted to pray to Heavenly Father and just thank him for answering our prayers. This hurdle is still not completely over until after our cardiogram on the 15th.
March 10, 2011: I am leaving for Utah on the 23rd of this month and we wanted to share the big news with our families when we got there. My 1st doctor, Castillo, was going to do my big ultrasound tomorrow and we were going to find out the sex of the baby. Well, since I switched I found out that Dr. Hulme doesn't do the sex ultrasound until 21 weeks. I have a doctor appointment with him on the 16th. I usually don't bother my doctors too much but I am paying him so why not? I called the office today to check and see if I had an ultrasound scheduled. Well, I didn't. I quickly told them that if there was a way to persuade my doctor into doing it a week and a half early that I would love that. They told me they would call me back. I got a call this afternoon and they scheduled me an ultrasound. YEAH! I am so excited. So in 5 days we will know for sure if our baby is a boy or a girl. Seth thinks we are having a boy but I am still thinking girl. We still have our cardiologist appointment on the 15th and we are a little anxious about it. We are going to try and go to the temple this Saturday so we can feel better about it. I have been praying really really hard that everything will be okay. We already leaped over one hurdle now we just need to get through this or know what we need to expect. Seth gave me a blessing a few days ago and it felt really good. I am so thankful for the priesthood and the calmness that it brings to me. 5 more days!
March 15, 2011: Hmm. Well, today did not go as expected. We felt so good about this cardiologist appointment that we did not even worry about going in. I wonder if God was keeping us strong for the news we were about to hear. We found out that we are having a BOY! We were so thrilled and I was so excited for Seth. Once we were done with the hour long ultrasound our doctor left the room. Dr. Christine Falkensammer is part of an elite group of cardiologist here in Houston. She was very thorough and looked at our baby's heart with a critiquing eye. She came back to the room with a few diagrams. She quickly told us the devastating news that we were not expecting. "Your baby has a severe heart defect, hypoplastic left heart syndrome." I turn to Seth and he begins to sob. I tried to be strong and didn't let a tear fall down my face. We were both in shock. I knew that if I began to cry that I wouldn't be able to comprehend what the doctor was saying. I wanted to know everything and every last detail. I had questions, many questions. I wanted them answered. I wanted to know what we were dealing with. Every question we had was hard to ask and it came with a just as devastating answer. We were hearing things like, "100% fatal, heart surgery, very risky, passing away, long road, terminate." All of these things were very hard to hear. Our doctor told us we would need to be seen once a month for the rest of the pregnancy. My pregnancy was now high risk and I would need to deliver at the downtown hospital. Remember how I complained about the hospital being 35 minutes away? Well, now it is almost 45 minutes away. During our drive home Seth and I just sobbed. Wasn't there an easier fix? Wasn't there a pill that I could take to correct this? Am I being punished for the life I have lived? Why us? Why our sweet little baby boy? All of these questions were screaming inside me. That night we decided to break the news to Seth's parents. They didn't even know we were pregnant. Seth had a hard time letting them know what was going on. He was so strong and did such a great job. This was the worst day of our lives. As we were going to sleep Seth cuddled with me. I began to cry uncontrollably and began telling Seth how pissed I was. I was so mad. I am still so mad. I cried myself to sleep.
March 16, 2011: I woke up crying. I cried in the shower and hunched over like a big baby. I cried when I got out of the shower and I tried not to cry once I put my make up on. We had an appointment with Dr. Hulme to have an ultrasound later that afternoon. On the way there I told Seth that I was crying in the shower and he quietly expressed that he did the same thing. We got to the appointment and we sat there as I picked up People Magazine and of course Seth picked up Sport Illustrated. As I was reading I came across the story of a child actor. It was a short story how he overcame heart surgery at birth. This story hit home with us and how maybe our child could lead a normal life. Dr. Hulme called us back to his office. His nurse, Trudy, asked how our appointment went and I said, "Not so good." Dr. Hulme talked to us and told us how sorry he was. He felt bad that at my first appointment he made this discovery. I told him that we felt like we were sent to him for a reason. He tapped my knee and gave me a hug. He wanted us to meet with a perinatologist immediately. He knew I was going to Utah on the 23rd so he contacted Dr. Kirshon himself. I love Dr. Hulme. They got us in that afternoon. Can you believe it? We drove downtown to meet with Dr. Kirshon. He did a full ultrasound checking every part of our baby's body. Everything looked great. He spoke to us about having an amniocentesis and we decided to do it. This test would help us find if the baby had any chromosome abnormalities. Talk about the worst pain ever! The doctor did not get the amniotic fluid the first time so he had to do it again! I seriously felt like I was being stabbed. I cried and cried during the procedure as Seth held my hand. I asked Seth what he was thinking and he told me he wanted to punch the doctor in the face. I told him so did I. Once we were done with that we went to another room to get some shots in my butt. Lovely! I am RH negative so I needed my first round of Rhogam. I was in so much pain by the time we left this appointment. Once again we cried all the way home and ended up laughing after I called my Dad. He always makes light of the situation and compared my pain to people on Funniest Home Videos. We got home and I was on bed rest for 2 days. Remember when I talked about our lovely $3,000 deductible? Well, in one day we spent almost $700 for doctors visits! Talk about draining our bank account. Luckily, we just received our tax money.
March 17, 2011: Bed rest, ugh! Seth has been taking such good care of me. He asked me what I wanted for breakfast and I said Eggos. He went to the store and brought me home breakfast and even made lunch as well. He made me a bed on the couch and we watched all the basketball games for March Madness. Who would have thought that 4 channels would be playing college basketball. Ugh! I was in a lot of pain today. My entire stomach hurt and for some reason my right arm hurt. I think it was because I was so tense during the amnio. The day got a lot better and we decided to write a family and friends e-mail. I will link it right here. The letter goes into further detail about what I didn't talk about above.
March 18, 2011: I went to Old Navy this morning to buy some gauchos. I loved wearing those when I was pregnant with Tylee. They are so comfortable. I walked into the baby isle and I looked at all the boy clothes. They were so fun and not pink. I really wanted to just buy the entire boy section.. I stood there in the baby section almost in tears. I looked at the sizes for babies 0-3 months, 3-6 months and 6-9 months. Would my baby boy make it to all of these stages? Would he even be able to wear anything that I bought. I quickly became depressed and left the baby section. I did not buy one thing. I don't want to buy baby clothes for a baby that may not even wear them. This brought up so many emotions. Do I set up a crib? Do we buy clothes? Do we have a baby shower? All of these questions I would be so excited about if we didn't have the possibility of losing our baby boy. Once again I became angry and upset. This is going to be a long road.
March 19, 2011: Talk about being frustrated. Seth and I decided to call a last minute babysitter and go to the temple. We are fortunate to only live a few miles from the Houston Temple. We went to the 8pm session with a lot of questions on our minds. When we finished the session we were sitting in the celestial room and began to pray. I was in there a few minutes before Seth came so I had already said a long prayer. Seth sat down and started to pray silently. I looked at a big bouquet of flowers and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew my answer. I became somewhat irritated inside which is a feeling I have never felt before in the temple. Once Seth was done praying we discussed what we felt. I was hesitant to tell him what I was thinking because it wasn't very comforting. He began to tell me that he wasn't feeling the comfort that he came looking for. We both felt the love that Heavenly Father was giving us but we did not feel at peace. I told Seth that as soon as I finished my prayer I felt like God came down on me with an iron fist. The answer I got is really hard to explain but it said, "It is what it is." Weird, right? We both felt the same feeling. Like God wanted us to stop asking for some huge miracle to happen and that the card we are being dealt is what we are going to have to play. We felt that God has a plan for us and he is not going to change it. God has chosen this path for us and our little boy has agreed to come down and deal with this. We feel that the way we pray needs to be changed. We now feel like our baby is in God's hands and only God will be making the decisions. We kind of left the temple a little discouraged and a little mad, but we went to the temple looking for answers and we got them. God wants us to trust him and the plan he has set. And that is exactly what we are going to do. It is what it is.
Seth, We will get through this. This plan is for us and I am so glad to be your wife. You continue to inspire me everyday with your strength and love. I am so happy to be having your second baby and I am so happy to be able to give you this little boy. I am so glad this little man has such a great example in his life. I know as he sits in heaven waiting to come down that he knows he is coming to a good family who will love and take care of him. I know that this little boy chose to come to us because we are a strong couple. He is so lucky to have us as parents. I couldn't ask for a better spouse and I am so thankful for your support. I know that I have been an emotional wreck the last few weeks and I am so thankful for your support. You are an amazing man and I know I gain strength from you. Thanks for letting me lean on you. This experience has already made us so strong and I know it will only make us closer. You will never know how much I love you.
March 20, 2011: Today we went to church and felt eyes staring at us all day. We knew that after we sent the e-mail to our Bishop and a few others that we could expect it to spread like wild fire. Let me just say this before I go on. If someone has a traumatic life event happening in their lives then you do NOT start a conversation with them by saying, "We feel so bad for you guys." We don't want people to feel bad for us. We want people to take this circumstance and appreciate that they have healthy children. We want people to pray for us and we want people to grow from hearing about our experience. By no means do we want people to feel bad for us. This will make us stronger and I can promise you that!
March 22, 2011: Telling Courtney: Well, I talked to Court earlier that day and I told her to call me when she got home. I told her that I wanted to send her an e-mail but I wanted to make sure that her fiance was around to read it with her. She new something was up but didn't know what. I sent her the e-mail when she got home and I waited an hour before I called her. I was a little nervous because I didn't know how she would take it. I called her and I could tell she had been crying really hard. She quickly told me that she was sorry and that she was so sad that we had to go through this without anyone knowing. I felt really close to Quarter at that time and I was so glad that I did it this way. I don't think I could have gotten through the full conversation without crying or confusing her. Courtney and Phil had a few questions that I was prepared to answer. They had a lot of spiritual questions that I was so happy to answer. We spoke on the phone past midnight and I felt so comforted after I told her. Can I just take a minute to tell you how awesome my sister is? She is seriously incredible. I could not ask for a better sister and she is always there when I need her. Sometimes I call her 10 times a day and we can chat about anything. I am so fortunate to have someone like her in my life. The next morning I called Courtney while she was at work. I could tell that she had a rough night and she still seemed really upset. She told me that she went to work and talked with her supervisor. Courtney asked if she qualified for a leave of absence and if she could take it during the month of August. Courtney wants to be able to help out with Tylee and make sure that we have enough time at the hospital. (The average HLHS case is in the hospital for 6 weeks.) I am not asking Courtney to leave work but I love that she will be there if I need her. I couldn't ask for a better sister, seriously! She is amazing. I have an amazing sister who I can lean on, cry on and talk to for hours. I am so lucky!
March 23, 2011: My trip to Utah: When my Dad had purchased our flights in the middle of January we were coming to surprise my family. We had no idea the ball we would drop on them. The trip really became bitter sweet and I wasn't sure how I could tell my sweet mother. My mom has so much to worry about and I don't like putting this weight on her shoulders. My mother has always gone above and beyond any of my expectations. Tylee was an angel on both of our flights. We got in around 7:30pm and my dad was there to pick me up. It was really hard to keep the tears from falling from my eyes. We walked to the car and I quickly changed Tylee into her "Big Sister" shirt. I love that shirt. I bought it awhile ago and I am so happy I did. We drove to my parent's house and we walked up to my mom's room. She was so excited to see Tylee and I. She didn't even realize what Tylee's shirt said. We told her to read it and she gave me a hi-five. I told her I was 20 weeks along and that we were having a boy. She was so happy and even happier when I told her this little one is due on my parent's anniversary. We quickly walked around to everyone's rooms and surprised them. Kelsey started crying and we asked her to read Tylee's shirt. Kels was super excited. I picked up Chad later that night and he thought I was my mom. He got so excited when I told him that Tylee was here. Colton knew I was coming so he was excited too. After a few hours of excitement and talking we decided to gather everyone around. We decided the best and easiest way to break the news was to read the e-mail again. (Seth and I put a lot of effort into the e-mail so that people could understand what was going on. I really feel that this was the best way to break the news to everyone.) My mom was really upset that Seth and I had to go through this alone. The kids cried and I joined them. My mom's attitude quickly changed and she told me how excited that she was. She told me that I needed to start planning and that we needed to go shopping. She told me to stop crying and just focus on the fact that this baby is coming to us and we should be excited about it. At this point I felt a lot of negative feelings leave my body and I began to get excited. I am excited. I am still upset but that is ok. Life is hard but God is with me.
March 24, 2011: We told out extended family today and sent out "the" e-mail. We were quickly replied with a lot of comforting words. One inparticular came from my cousin, Richard. He said, "You've got a huge crew of family supporting and thinking of you. Keep your chins up!! You will be in our prayers." We got many others saying that they would fast for us and that we would be in their thoughts and prayers. This got me thinking more positive and we felt so good inside. I also got a few messages about family who knew others with HLHS and how their boys were young and striving. It was so good to here about all of this. I have the best cousins, aunts and uncles. No one compares to them and the way they support me.
March 25, 2011: Candice came over today and we were driving to get some lunch. As soon as I got in her car I got a call from my OB/GYN, Dr. Hulme. I knew he has the results of my amnio. I took in one deep breath and I answered. He told me that our baby's results were 46Y which means NORMAL BABY BOY! Dr. Hulme informed me that he would be switching my prenatal care over to Dr. Kirshon. I told him that I was happy to be his patient and that he will be seeing me in the near future. I was almost in tears by the time I was off the phone. I called Seth and he was so happy. Our prayers were answered. This was such a good feeling because we knew that this heart defect wasn't genetic. I know it is too soon to talk about but this means that everything looks good for having future babies. This was a great day in the Watson house. Now I am going to enjoy my trip. It has been an emotional roller coaster.
March 27, 2011: Today we received the most touching e-mail from my cousin's husband, Brian. Diane and Brian have a daughter who was born with a heart defect and he wanted to make sure we were prepared. He talked to us about insurance, the stress, his testimony and many other things. This e-mail was so powerful that I could hardly read through it. It was so thoughtful and generous. Once again, I am surprised by the kindness of others. When I read blogs or stories about other heart babies I instantly have a connection with them. I know what they are feeling and I know how stressful it is. I find strength in the stories I read about other HLHS patients. I find that some of the simplest things encourage me. I have found that most kids live completely normal lives. They play basketball, they go to school, they graduate college and they get married. I love reading stories about adults in their twenties who survived HLHS and they are succeeding. I am so grateful to be apart of a heart community and I feel so blessed that they share their lives with us on the internet. It truly makes everyday bearable. This little boy is so active. He kicks me all the time and I can feel how strong he is. I know this baby is a fighter and he will fight for every breath. I believe that maybe I knew I would be dealt with this before I came to earth. Is that so weird to think? I often wonder if I got my degree in nursing because I knew subconsciously that I would need the knowledge for my life. I can't tell you enough how much I love that I understand what is going on with this baby's heart. I may not know everything but I know my schooling has helped me deal with it. Once again, another day has passed and I am feeling blessed.
I do have to say thank you for all of those that have supported us the last few days. You will never know how much love we have felt. I strongly believe in the power of prayer and in fasting. I know we still have a long, long road ahead of us but I know that Heavenly Father is on our side.
April 6, 2011: On my flight back to Utah I had a connection in Pheonix. I have been begging Seth for months and months to let me go visit my cousins in Arizona. After a few phone calls I was on my way. Tylee and I are here in Arizona loving life with our cousins. I love hanging out with my cousin, Jenny. She truly is one of my best friends. I have to thank my parents for a wonderful trip to Utah and helping us with this detour to Arizona. I couldn't ask for better parents.
April 8, 2011: Meeting A Miracle: Jenny & I packed up the kids in the car and headed over to her sister's house. Shauna e-mailed me last week telling me that her good friend, Molly, had a 2 year old with HLHS. What a small world? It just so happens that Shauna was at her friends house and Molly was there with her son, Mark. Mark is Molly's 6th baby and they did not find out about his condition until he started to go blue 2 days after birth. Talk about scary. Well, Shauna came out to the car and asked if I wanted to meet Mark & Molly. I hesitated. I almost said No. I was a little nervous and I just began to cry. Was I ready to meet this little boy? Would he look normal? Would I ask questions? Shauna began to cry with me and then Jenny joined in. Molly reached the car in tears with Mark in her arms. Mark looked like every other little boy. He had blond hair and was even a little stocky. I thought heart babies looked ill all of the time. He looked perfect. As I cried I asked her questions and she talked to me every kindly. She told Mark to show us his belly and there it was...the most beautiful life-saving scar I had ever seen. Mark has been through the 2 of the 3 surgeries and he is preparing for his third. He was smart and funny little boy. I just wanted to hug him. Molly gave me so much information and I instantly felt such a connection with her. I have never even met her before. It was so overwhelming to meet Mark and I wish Seth was there. I love little Mark and I only met him for a few minutes. This gives me hope and gives me some security. I hope we can have that miracle. I know I went to Arizona for this purpose and this purpose only.
April 9, 2011: Cursed Arizona: One of the things I have discovered about Arizona is the food. I love the Mexican food and I love Pete's Fish n' Chips. Did I know all this spicy, fat food would end me up in the Emergency Room? Well, not exactly. After a few weeks of my "vacation diet" I ended up in the E.R. with severe upper belly pain. Last night was the worst pain I have ever gone through in my life. Jenny took me straight to the hospital and was there to comfort me. As I was registering I would answer a question then run to the bathroom and puke. I then answered another question and it just kept going until I was all registered. It did not help that I was dying of pain and every time I puked I would pee my pants. (Oh, the joys of being pregnant.) I probably looked like a train wreck. They finally took me to the maternity floor and monitored the baby. He was looking good. Meanwhile, I was still shaking from all of the pain and I was literally at my wits end. I remember leaning over in a pretzel shape thinking that I was going to pass out. Next thing I know the nurse told me I had fainted and it took me a few seconds to come back. For an instant the pain subsided but it came back full force. I dressed in a gown and they put me back in the bed. They wheeled me to the E.R. and say me there in the hallway! I bet all those people just loved hearing me moan and stare at my beautiful backside. I did not care, I was dying remember? After almost 90 minutes from check in I was escorted to an E.R. room. Where was my IV and where was the freaking doctor?!? I began to throw up again and again but my wonderful Aunt Shirley finally arrive. Oh, how I love her. I began to sob just asking God why I had to go through this and told him this was all I could take. Hasn't my life been hard enough lately. I just cried and cried. They did an EKG and inserted my IV. I had to sit still for all of this so I just went to the deepest meditation state that I could possibly go but it wasn't that far. Shirley went out and told the doctor that I was ready and the doctor came in soon after. What a wonderful lady she was. I told her I fit all the symptoms for gallstones and she agreed with me. She talked with me a bit and I was then taken to another room. I FINALLY got a does of Demerol after 3 hours! HEAVEN! I thought epidurals were great but this was heaven. A gallbladder attack is way worse than having contractions! Don't believe me? I hope you NEVER find out! I had an ultrasound and the results came back positive for gallstones. Duh! Now I am on a wonderful fat free/low fat diet. I hope this never happens again. I am really sore and I am really tired. I am even scared to eat. Luckily, I love fruit and veggies so I don't think this new diet will be hard. Let's hope the rest of this trip is smooth sailing.
April 12, 2011: Can I just tell all of you that I have the best cousins. I really do. They have been so helpful and caring through this ordeal that I have grown to love them even more.
April 14, 2011: Back in Texas: I don't want to be here but after almost a month away from my hubby I decided to finally come back. Miss Tylee was going through withdrawals. Ask any of my cousins in Arizona, she was ready to come home. Today we are back in the routine of babysitters and doctors visits. I had a "normal" OB/GYN visit with Dr. Kirshon today. The baby's heart rate was 156 and he was looking strong. Everyone that feels him can tell how active he is. It kind of makes me sad though. I just wish our baby boy had no limitations and could run and play like everyone else. Well, at least no bad news at this visit.
April 15, 2011: Tax Day: This post has nothing to do with taxes and everything to do with another doctor appointment. We met with Dr. Falkensammer today and she did another 30 minute ultrasound of the baby's heart. She said that his foramen ovale looked good but it was still something they wanted to look for in the future. (Our baby's foramen ovale is a little smaller than they would like it to be.) There was no change in the f.o.'s appearance. Good sign. His pulmonary/lung pressures decreased from last time which was a good sign. They did find a little hole next to his f.o. They said it is fine but that it is actually helping with blood flow through the heart. Weird, right. It was a good visit. We knew we weren't getting a miracle but we are taking baby steps. We did go in depth with her about the surgeries and life expectancies. She said as long as his f.o. remains the same they will do surgery between 5-7 days of life. The chances of losing him to the first surgery are very, very small. She said the biggest place they lose babies is between the 1st and 2nd surgery. (2nd surgery is at 3-4 months) She said most babies pass away at home from natural things. This concerns us a lot but we know our baby is in God's hands. We shed no tears today so that is a good sign. We are growing and improving with each prayer and each little miracle.
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