Urology Surgery

Recently, we were told that Stockton needed to have a minor urology surgery. This will happen later this month at Primary Children's. I feel that sometimes Stockton can't catch a break. Every time he is wheeled off to surgery or has some type of invasive procedure I look at his sad face. Sometimes he screams and yells, "Mommy, please, Mommy!" Other times he is so relaxed because this is his normal. Those are the moments I dread. Those are the moments that I wish I could take his place. Those are the moments that I fall to my knees and ask, "Why?" This strong boy of mine is such a miracle. If you could hear him talk and run around you could feel the spiritual energy that this boy carries. I hate having him go through this life unhealthy and I hate that the things he goes through have to be done for him to survive. I don't think that this will ever get easier. I don't think that my prayers will ever end without tears streaming down my face. Every night I place my hand on his chest, just before I go to bed, and feel him take a few deep breaths. I walk around to my other children's rooms and do the same thing to them. Somehow each day I grow a little bit stronger and each day my love for my children grows. I wish that no parent had to watch their child suffer and no one had to lose a child. This minor surgery coming up is scary for us because he has to be put under sedation, again. The cardiac team has to be there and they will keep us posted. As this approaches I can't stop thinking about next year when he has his 3rd open heart surgery. I don't want it to come. I don't want him to scream and cry and wonder why his Mommy left him. I don't want him to think that I am abandoning him. The other surgeries he doesn't remember, this one he will. I am scared to death about losing any of my children. Stockton's body may not be too strong but with the Armour of God he will do great things.