Where has the time gone?

Our bags are packed, our flights are booked, we are healthy (crossing my fingers), we have prayed, we have fasted, Seth is half way to Texas and the Fontan is in 3 days. We have been waiting for this moment since the day he was born. We have prayed about this moment since his last surgery on December 29, 2011. I think Stockton is ready, we are ready and I think God knows that he is ready. How is my boy 4 years old?

The anxiety has been a constant in my life this summer. We have battled a lot of things to make it this far. I am so grateful that my work allowed me to take this time off work and how everyone in our lives has surrounded us with letters, gifts, prayers and kind words. We couldn't have made it the last four years without so many people.

I just put Merrick to sleep for the last time until we get back. We sang the song, Tomorrow, like we do every night. I cried as I rocked him to sleep because I don't know how long it will be until I can do that again. We can't do anything that is outside of the home so I played Sega with Tylee, we made bracelets, ate Oreo cake and washed her hair. The kids bags are packed with diapers, wipes, toothbrushes and clothes for about 10 days. I also packed Tylee's new school clothes as we are not going to be able to be here for her first day of second grade. In her prayers last night she begged Heavenly Father to make sure we are home on her first day of school. It broke my heart. I am going to miss so many things with them in the next couple weeks but they know their brother needs me so much more. The struggle is real when you have a sibling with a health concern. These two kids are great companions for Stockton. Tylee has a sincere heart and comforts him in times of need. Merrick is the perfect playmate. (As I sit here Tylee came and gave me a Starburst. I gave this to her earlier because she was being so good. I asked her why she gave it back and she said that she wants me to have it because she loves me.)

We are trying to make Stockton feel at home in the hospital and so much of his room is packed. It feels empty. I want him to come home. I want him to come back and sleep in his Spiderman bed. I want to wake up each morning with train tracks all over the floor because he likes to build them over and over. I want to hear him singing Christmas songs is the basement when he finds old decor. I want to see Merrick wrestling Stockton in front of our tv. I want him to come home. I want him to come home fast. I want him here.

My heart is filled with gratitude. My heart is filled with peace. My heart hurts for him because he doesn't know the extent of what is going to happen on Friday. I have done everything to prepare him. I have done everything I could do to prepare myself and my family. I can't believe that we have come so far. I can't believe that yesterday, August 3rd, was his first open heart surgery in 2011. We are forever grateful to have Stockton in our lives. He is bold, he is strong and he is a fighter. We love him and we hope to return back to Utah very soon.